I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
