I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think my fart just growled at me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
