Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
