I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
