i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think my moral compass just broke
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
