i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
