Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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