Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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