On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
