I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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