She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Success! We fucked roommates!
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