i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
