remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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