I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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