he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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