This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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