I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
