My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
