Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
