Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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