im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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