Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
