the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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