My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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