If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
