Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
