yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize