May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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