i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize