I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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