she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
