CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
