oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
