I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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