As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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