So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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