I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
