When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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