I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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