she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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