I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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