Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
