I hate your face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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