guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
