just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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