it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
