That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
