maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
