so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
send nudes
from the living room?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
