ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
