cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
