feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
