..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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