Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
