He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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