i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
