Her vagina should come with caution tape.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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