Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
