the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
