HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
And then he peed in my hair
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