Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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