Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize