I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
