Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
