there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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