There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
