gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
