if i can run in heels then i can drive
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
