he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Alive.
So much puke
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize