So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
