I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
