You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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