Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize