a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
