So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
